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Unbeknownst to most students, Chapel Hill was gripped by the terror of mysterious, animalistic slayings back in the 1950's. Return with us to these dark and uncertain days when squirrels threatened to eat every part of the body that humans held dear.
| Biff | Rob Manuel | |
| Maggie | Ashley Falls | |
| Paul | Josh Putnam | |
| Laura | Jessie Grinnell | |
| Thad | Brian Nichols | |
| Russell | Nick Bryant | |
| Professor | Dan Lucas | |
| Betsy | Ashley Byer | |
| Cracker Guy | James Khanlarian | |
| Bradley | Jay Shakula | |
| Ace | Richie Franklin | |
| Sleepy Guy | George Manis | |
| Susan | Sara Hoopes | |
| Dream Victim 1 | Jenny Keeling | |
| Dream Victim 2 | Richie Franklin | |
| Randel | Ward Rackley |
Camera
George Manis
Allen Henderson
Editor
Allen Henderson
Assisting Editors
Richard Franklin
James Khanlarian
Story Concept
Richard Franklin
Written by
Ward Rackley
with
Richard Franklin
Dan Lucas
Directed by
Richard Franklin
Produced by
Ward Rackley and George Manis
This show was filmed...
in a grassy field
in the woods behind Forest Theatre
in Greenlaw
outside of Greenlaw
on south campus
right in the middle of campus
Please refer to fig. 1: Big White Salty Crackers
*Richie Franklin, the director, was actually eaten by
squirrels just like 2 months ago. It was really sad*
*Squirrels can skeletonize a human in under 2 minutes when whipped into a frenzy*
*When squirrels have incapacitated a victim, they sometimes insert their ovipositor into
the prey's neck and lay eggs in the chest cavity. While appearing to make a complete
recovery in many cases, the victim is doomed, as a full grown squirrel will burst from
their chest upon reaching gestation*
*Squirrels will not let go of a nut once they grab a hold. This can lead to many
amusing antics with just a jar of cashews, some fishing wire, and a camera. After tying a cashew
to the wire, trail it away over a branch and hide in wait. When a squirrel grabs the nut,
start to pull it with increasing speed. As the confused squirrel begins to hurtle through the air at
a fantastic speed, have a friend snap a picture. It is truly amazing*
After the opening credits Paul is seen reading a newspaper with a cover story headline about an "ATM Gunman". Actually in the 1950's no one could read, and passed along information through myths, song, and interpretive dancing*
Biff - "That's it take a nibble..no, I said a nibble-AAAAAAA! AH! AAAAH!"
Maggie - "There's so many of them! What do they want!?"
Bradley - "Oh look, a quarter!"
"Oh, hey there little guy!"
Paul - "Betsy?"
"You made me bleed my own blood!"
"I'm not scared"
"You will be....you will be..."