Jackson and Dan are hired out by the "Duke" to retrieve a stolen part, the Spring of Floozbat. However, Dan has won a trip from Publishers Clearing House and is about to go on vacation. It also turns out that Dan had dealings with the company the part was stolen from, ClonesMart. Soon after Dan leaves, the police barge in looking for Dan. Jackson makes short work of them and heads to ClonesMart. There Jackson meets, questions, and fights a janitor who was on duty at the time of the crime. Jackson also meets, questions and beds Doctor Rabins, who seems to know too much about the crime. Getting nowhere fast in the detective part of his mission, Jackson breaks into the offices of ClonesMart with the help of a thug he met along the way. The two security officers are beaten but not without cost. Skippy, the 1920's corner paperboy, is killed delivering a paper to Jackson. As soon as info is found, the thug turns on Jackson and Jackson is forced to kill him. Jackson gets an informant named Wilford to help him. He is led to Dan's apartment. Arriving there he is confronted by Slinkyman who turns out to be Dan's clone. He is working with Dr. Rabins to clone generic action heroes. Dan return from vacation just in time to be captured. Things look grim for the duo as they are lead to a parking deck to be killed, but they fight back as only they can. In the end Dan runs into his clone (which is like mixing matter and antimatter) in order to stop anyone from getting the Spring. Fortunately Dr. Rabins gets in the way, and she and Slinkyman are summarily destroyed.

Click here for the shooting script

(in order of appearance)
JACKSON END -- James Amler
DAN -- Harper Gordek
THUG 1 -- Ward Rackley
THUG 2 -- Mark Andrews
SLINKYMAN -- Harper Gordek
THE DUKE -- Kevin Hanna
LEWIS PARKER-- Matt Mansfield
DR. LEAH ANNE PERRIN -- Jodi Dellinger
DR. RAOUL LENCIA -- Ward Rackley
DR. RABINS -- Sara Noffsinger
JANITOR -- Rick Ward
POLICEMAN 1 -- Mark Andrews
POLICEMAN 2 -- Ward Rackley
SKIPPY -- Harper Gordek
PASSER-BY-- Kevin Hanna
PHILOSOPHICAL THUG -- Mark Andrews
RENT-A-COP 1 -- Sara Noffsinger
RENT-A-COP 2 -- Rick Ward
SANTA -- Harper Gordek
WILFORD -- Kevin Hanna

Written By
Kevin Hanna
with contributions from the cast

Camera
Harper Gordek
Kevin Hanna
Steve Conschafter
Rick Ward

Edited By
Kevin Hanna

Directed By
Kevin Hanna

Produced By
Harper Gordek

(Only Kevin Hanna knows for sure...)

THUG FIGHT -- You're All I've Got Tonight / Smashing Pumpkins
FINAL FIGHT -- We've Only Just Begun / The Carpenters

This show was filmed...

in STV's lavish studio complex
at Hill Hall
at the back stairs of the Student Union
Outside the Student Union
Craige Parking Deck
Two rooms in Morrison
a bench in the Arboretum
5th floor Carmichael

*Written by Kevin Hanna, this was originally supposed to be about potatoes and a criminal named the Armadillo but a heated discussion with then producer Harper Gordek led to the changes*
*The role of the Duke was originally supposed to be the Duchess but the actress who was supposed to play the part could not show up*
*The name Lewis Parker is a tribute to Parker Lewis*
*Kevin Hanna can be a very testy director*
*Dr.Rabins was never supposed to lose her hair for the last scenes but we forgot the wig*

With no easy way to match Dan and Jackson vs their perspective thugs in the final fight scene, they just fooled around or disappeared from the backgrounds.

You can easily tell there is a stand-in for Slinkyman when Jackson rips the slinky away from him.

Janitor - "Be careful. Slippery ven vet."

Jackson - "That's it. It's go time!"

Cop 2 - "Well, we can bust you for general rudeness...jerk!"
Jackson - "Then you better book me under an alias of Ann Landers, 'cause I'll teach you some manners."

Jackson - "She dies the hard way."

Skippy - "AAAHHHH!"

Dan - "Oh, we've only just begun."